The puberty blocker ban. Declining support in schools. Increasing difficulty accessing basic public services. This is a difficult time in which to be growing up trans, but it’s not all bad news. Just a couple of decades ago, almost half of trans people experienced family rejection, and few dared to come out before leaving the parental home. Now that has changed dramatically, and parents are speaking out to let the world know that they love and support their trans kids.
Trans Day of Visibility
Today is the 18th annual Transgender Day of Visibility, a celebration of trans people’s presence in society and contributions to it. For trans people, to be visible can require courage, and it’s a powerful statement of resistance. Also important is the visibility of the people who love them, who are also affected by prejudice and discrimination. This year, one group – Transparent Action – is determined to make sure that the parents of young trans, non-binary and gender diverse people get noticed.
“Transparent Action was formed by a group of parents who love their transgender children of all ages”, said a spokesperson for the group. “Through the Transparent Pledge they are calling for transgender people to be treated as all parents want their children to be treated – with dignity, respect and timely access to health care. In an increasingly hostile media landscape, they aim to provide a safe space for parents’ voices to be heard and will shortly be sharing some of these voices in their upcoming podcast, Transparent Voices.”
Emma, one of the founders of Transparent Action, said “I was fed up with hearing negative stories about trans people. Particularly from parents who reject their trans children. We set up Transparent Action to make sure that the voices of parents like us – parents who support their trans children of all ages – can be heard.
“Most people I know love their children, support them and accept what they tell them. My daughter is such a lovely, kind, gentle person. She’s very bright and thoughtful and knows her own mind. So when she told me she was trans I knew that my job as a parent was just to continue to love and accept her for who she is.”
Accepting trans children is a life-saver – and a joy
Research has shown that simple acceptance can significantly lower the suicide risk for young trans people. Support from parents is the most important of all. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed and not know what to do on first finding out that a child is trans, but with patience and good communication, most parents find that they can continue to have a positive relationship. Because most such children have thought about it for a long time before they feel ready to talk, there is often a release of tension and an opportunity to rebuild the bond. In some cases, however, there is never any secrecy.
“My son, Matt has known he was a boy since he was two years old”, one Scottish mum told us. “Back then, I remember asking the Health Visitor about how he used to tell us with such conviction that he was ‘a boy’. She smiled at me and said ‘Well, we’ll see.’
“Since then, his identity has never wavered, never been a phase, never been something we had to encourage or construct. It was simply always there, clear and insistent. When he started primary school, his teachers embraced him without question. That early, uncomplicated support made all the difference.
“When starting high school he was so grateful to have not only met another trans individual but to have met so many more LGBTQIA+ friends. Despite the politics going on around him, the efforts to exclude trans kids from school facilities, he has found all the teachers to be more supportive than he ever could have dreamed of, and loves school.
“Matt is now a teenager: he loves K-pop, goes for bubble tea with his friends at weekends, is deep into Dungeons & Dragons, and is the proud owner of the full Heartstopper collection. He is, in all the ways that matter, a perfectly ordinary, bubbly, happy kid. I am so grateful for that. And I am clear about why it is true: because for the years when it mattered most, the adults around him simply let him be himself.”
More from Jennie Kermode
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