FARAGE: Right Bruiser let’s get the show on the road!
ANDERSON: Yes Sir!
DORRIES: Does he have to drive? He’s a maniac!
FARAGE: He has to. He’s only one that knows where we’re going. Some godforsaken place up north.
BRAVERMAN: Nigel, I’ve saved this seat next to me. So, I can tell you how very proud I am to be a part of your glorious endeavour. And I…
FARAGE: Not now, Braverman. Not now… sit down luv,
BRAVERMAN: Oh…
FARAGE: Right, I want you all to look at this photo.
JENRICK: That’s disgusting!
FARAGE: It is. But what’s wrong with this image?
ZAHAWI: It’s Mandelson in a bedroom with a lady. That’s very wrong.
FARAGE: Nope.
GULLIS: He’s wearing dirty pants. My mum never lets me out without a clean pair of pants just in case I have an accident and get run over by a scooter or chased by Laura Kuenssberg
FARAGE: Close. It’s the pants. Look at them! No union flag anywhere! Even though he’s disgraced, no British politician should go anywhere without the proper British flag on their undergarments.
DORRIES: I never go anywhere without them.
JENRICK: That’s not what I heard.
FARAGE: Right…new policies fire away. Zahawi…
ZAHAWI: Pay less tax?
FARAGE: That’s a given. Jenrick?
JENRICK: I have a plan to cut NHS waiting time in half.
POCHIN: Oh, that sounds good!
FARAGE: Who’s she?
DORRIES: Nobody knows.
JENRICK: I’m talking bunk beds.
ANDERSON: Bloody genius is that!
JENRICK: The patients won’t be seen any quicker but at least they’ll have a bed.
FARAGE: Go on…
JENRICK: And they’re always complaining about trolleys piling up in corridors. Then why don’t we make the corridors longer and wider?
FARAGE: I like it Jenrick…I like it a lot!
JENRICK: Can I be Chancellor now?
FARAGE: No. Anyone else?
ANDERSON: I’ve got an idea about those work-shy layouts who want to work from home.
ZAHAWI: You want to shoot them?
ANDERSON: No, but close. We send our own ICE teams in like the Americans. We smash in their bloody front doors and drag them to their workplace. My father did exactly the same with me when I wouldn’t get out of bed. Kicking and screaming. And it never did me any harm!
DORRIES: Slow down Bruiser. You’re swerving all over the road. Stay on the right!
FARAGE: Nice one. Adopted unless, of course, you’re a member of Reform UK Ltd or somebody related to a member.
GULLIS: Can we stop, I need a wee-wee?
TICE: No, we can’t!
GULLIS: That’s not fair!
FARAGE: Dicky Tice. Where have you been?
TICE: Dubai. My son had a parent’s night and the flights were delayed. But I’ve brought some money back.
FARAGE: Good. Now when we’re out speaking to the …the
JENRICK: Voters?
FARAGE: Yes, that lot. Tell them what they want to hear. And if it gets sticky, what do we shout?
ALL: Stop the boats!
FARAGE: Excellent. What are you slowing down for, Bruiser?
ANDERSON: There’s a poor lass hitchhiking. We can give her a lift… In you come love.
TRUSS: Hi… It’s me! Lizzy Baby! Can I join you?
ALL: No!
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