FARAGE: Right before I jet off to meet with my close friend President Trump, I wanted to address a couple of issues.
DORRIES: Who’s paying for your flight to America?
FARAGE: None of your business, Dorries. Everything is completely above board.
KRUGER: That’ll make a change!
FARAGE: Shut it Kruger! Right, I want to…
BALL: Huzzah! It is I your beloved chairman, Dr David Bull at your service.
DORRIES: Oh…hello Dr David.
BULL: Ah… naughty Nadine, gorgeous as ever!
DORRIES: Thank you!
JENRICK: I’m going to be sick.
FARAGE: What do you want?
BULL: I just wanted to come in and hang out with you guys. Have a bit of bantz. Chew the fat with my top team.
ANDERSON: Bugger off! This is important stuff is this, not for the likes of you!
FARAGE: Dorries, take him away to look at the planes or something.
DORRIES: Certainly … Dr David would you like to see something?
BULL: Too true!
BRAVERMAN: I’m so glad you got rid of him Nigel. You’re all the chairmen we’ll ever need. In fact, you are probably the greatest…
FARAGE: Not now luv…sit down, there’s a good girl. Now I want to put to rest this story in the papers about me trying to woo the centre right.
ANDERSON: Woo? Bloody woo? We don’t want any of that namby-pamby nonsense! I’ve never wooed anyone in my life. Even my wife… never wooed her. When we met, I was delivering coal to her house, and she fell for me right there and then. Sweat and grime, that was enough for her, and we were wed the next day! No honeymoon either. I went back down the pit, and she went back to her ferret farm. And we were happy.
JENRICK: Cool story bro. Can we get back to business?
FARAGE: Quite! Have we managed to bag any suckers… I mean, candidates for the Jock elections?
ZAHAWI: I doubt it. Do you think we should lower the price for anyone who wants to stand?
FARAGE: Certainly not! We’re running a company not a charity. No, perhaps I need to visit Scotland, drum up support.
POCHIN: What a good idea!
FARAGE: Who’s she?
KRUGER: Nobody knows.
ZAHAWI: Is that wise, Nigel? Bearing in mind what happened before.
GULLIS: Yes, my Mum says you were a scaredy cat, Captain Farage. You had to hide in a pub because all the Scottish people didn’t like you.
FARAGE: Utter rubbish! I was merely holding a meeting with local people indoors, finding out what their issues were.
GULLIS: My Mum says they wanted to beat you up.
FARAGE: Shut it, Gullis! Get back to your finger painting. Well, let’s give it another week and I might go north and visit the heathens. Anything else?
JENRICK: Talking of visits. One word… Clacton.
GULLIS: Oooo…he said the ‘C’ word!
ANDERSON: Hoi! We never mention Clacton.
JENRICK: I think I may have solved the problem about you going there.
FARAGE: I’ll consider anything, anything! Please!
JENRICK: That’s it exactly… you won’t have to once I put this on. Taa Raa!
ANDERSON: Bloody hell that’s good!
JENRICK: The Farage facemask. We hire some spotty pleb from university to wear the mask around the town and the idiots, I mean voters, will think you’re never away from the place.
FARAGE: I love it! Jenrick I would kiss if we weren’t two strident heterosexuals!
JENRICK: Oh!
ZAHAWI: Has anyone talked about how we’re going to do for International Women’s Day?
FARAGE: What do we usually do?
ZAHAWI: Nothing.
FARAGE: Good. Right meeting adjourned! Pub!
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